Month in the Life of Dan

So I get back from DC ready to get back into work. I did all my normal paperwork before I left and planned 2-3 Fridays to get my adoption paperwork done. I was pretty confident it would all go smoothly. Just as pride cometh before the fall, confidence precedes the realization that the world is actually designed to make you feel like you just sat on a bicycle without its seat. (Try it…not the bicycle seat thing, that’s not recommend under any circumstances. Try being really confident for a week or so particularly about your skills, then you will find that planning is quite futile when you don’t control your life in the first place.)

Long story short, the days that were planned for paperwork were filled with classes that I was told that I did not need to take, but really I DID need to take them-- and by June if I wanted to keep seeing clients in AR. FUN! So a busy job became a lot busier and paperwork did not get done. Old and new paperwork combined forces to form an almost invincible demon. Think Germany and Italy in the 40s, or Lex Luther and The Joker (Heath Ledger form, not Jack Nicholas of course), or an Obama-Biden ticket (ok so that one should have been easy to beat if we hadn’t thrown McCain and Palin at them…come on what kind of Democrat spy infiltrated the ranks and convinced someone that would work?…). Now add all of those evil duos together with a touch of Gadianton robber and pinch of Korihor and you have an idea of the foe that I faced with my paperwork challenge.

First line of defense was the “Europe pre-WWII” line: If I ignore this it won’t hurt me! Germany is building a big army again…Darn them! (I’m sure the paperwork will go away if I let it build up just enough to reach critical mass and explode). They invaded Czechoslovakia…Naughty, naughty! (I’m confident it will be easier next week.) As Poland would be the first to tell you, the avoid tactic doesn’t seem to work.

Step two: Fight the big one first. The adoptive home studies are a pain, but they approve people so they can adopt…guess I should focus on them. They seemed to be winning at times (Luther had me drowning with Kryptonite around my neck at the bottom of his pool while Heath Ledger was hitting me with a iron pipe and sending dogs after me). I killed them both along with four home studies and various other adoption related paperwork.

[Sidebar: I have a couple out of state right now getting ready to be placed with tomorrow. The secretary out there calls me at church for paperwork that worker NEEDS NOW! I rush to the office, can’t get in, my key card won’t work. I can download some of the paperwork he asked for. I do that, fill it out (which is mainly the couple’s name and address), and send it off. Mind you this is stuff I would usually do myself if I had a couple in from out of town. The worker calls and says he actually did fill it out, but just wanted to make sure we would not do it differently (it’s the EXACT SAME FORMS and the couple’s name has not changed in the last few hours). Then I find out they don’t need it until tomorrow at ten…thanks for wasting my Sunday afternoon. GRRR! I now return you to your normally scheduled waste of time.]

So after I defeat the major villains, I move on to the nefarious ongoing task of swimming against the tide of ever producing, never ending trivial duties of paperwork related to any clinical practice. I view this much like the fight that rational people all over the states have to endure daily as they try to sort through the morass of meaningless minutiae and moronic movements created by our Dictator and Chief. (You know, they guy who we, as honorable and very delusional voters, allowed to pull the wool over our eyes and kick us in the rear while we were trying to buy another frivolous accoutrement with the stimulus money that Bush stole from our children just so this man could steal from their children and their children to fourth and fifth generation.) Well, in my case, I beat the paperwork and ended the week with NO paperwork left, NONE, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH. Woohoo.

Oh yeah also in this time, I finished the shed (or started the “man cave” yet to be seen); played a couple games of disc golf (mostly with the bishop and his family over Memorial weekend); avoided becoming octa-dad; spent a night at girls camp on short notice; with Miranda’s help, wrapped a young high school graduate’s room (or much of the stuff in it) with aluminum foil and her boyfriend’s car with saran wrap while it was parked at the theater (They responded by putting my car on Craigslist…fortunately it didn’t post right and I only got one call.); saw My Fair Lady; and generally was an amazing husband, friend, person…no wonder it’s been so long since I have blogged.