Chiaphobia

It has been brought to my attention that some of you feel that I spelled Quijote wrong. You feel that I should have used the English spelling of the word which replaces the ‘J’ with the letter found between ‘W’ and ‘Y’ in the alphabet. While I am sure that I could bore you with a thousand reasons why I have elected the current spelling, but I will limit it to two:

First: Don Quijote is a Spanish character in a Spanish book written by a Spanish author and it takes place in Spain. So, I feel justified in using the correct spelling. (I don’t plan on spelling my name different if I go to Spain.)

Secondly, and more importantly, as far as I am concerned there are only 25 letters in the alphabet. I don’t believe in the letter between ‘W’ and ‘Y’ and therefore will not be using it in my blog.* Okay, the truth is I have Chiaphobia. No, that’s not the fear of Chia Pets, although they should be feared as they are disturbing and if ignorant people were to keep feeding them they would eventually gain sentience and kill their owners (It happened once, see the front page of the New York Times dated January 15, 1983, or just look at the information I have included from a very reliable source.**) Chiaphobia is the fear of the letter between ‘W’ and ‘Y’ (Chi is the Greek name for that letter and as it does not contain unsaid letter, therefore I can use it, but it would be confusing if I substituted Chi into the middle of words…how dumb would that be.) Anyhow, for those of you who love the Chi-Files or waited in line to watch Chi-Men I, II, and III; sorry, go get your Chi somewhere else.

*Disclaimer: this in no way represents nor should be should be construed as a contractual agreement with my devout readers.

** “Chia Pet is commonly seen just sitting there on the middle of the table or counter, but this is just its menacing way of quietly planning out its neCHIt attack on the victim. The average Chia pet has to eat 1 person per week to survive.

Local Wal-Marts are now beginning to carry a new type of pet food: This is guaranteed to keep your Chia pet from eating you to death or a money back guarantee!

It is made from puppies imported directly from China and processed to provide several weeks worth of bottom-saving alternative nutrition. The Chia Pet is a highly poisinous creature that can spit a stream of it's Ch Ch Ch Chiaaaaaaaah poison accuratly up two 20 feet, thus preventing you from running because it's very close to the effects of acid the difference is that it will send you into convulsions and eat through your skin. You won't be able to scream anything but " CH CH CH CH CHIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAH PET!!!!" If you don't believe me you can check the Nevada police records, The file will state " Victim of homicide case # 1120, neighbors state that all they could hear was " CH CH CH CH CHIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAH PET!!!!" and then a vicious eating noises." So if you ever think about buying a Chia pet think again.” http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Chia_pet